I know that it has been a while since I have posted. This is mostly because I have not made much significant progress on any of my crafting endeavors for various reasons. If you’re just here for the crafting content, then just skip this post and I’ll try to get back to crafting in the near future.

In October I had the 5 year anniversary of my Mom’s death. I hate that young people, well anyone but the young people get to me the most, smoke. My mom smoked from the time she was about 18 until I went off to college, so over 30 years. She never got lung cancer, instead what she got was COPD. She had to be on oxygen, eventually she caught pneumonia. She had bouts of pneumonia for a year, getting antibiotics and other treatments all the while. In October of 2018 she was, again, hospitalized and they said that she just was not going to get better. They took her off of oxygen and while I was on the phone with the Hospice worker trying to figure out how to transport her home and set up a bed in the living room for her, the nurses came rushing in to get me. I held her hand while mom gasped her last, then I literally howled with grief when I realized she was gone. By nature I am not an introspective person, I try to acknowledge that things have happened and move on, but this hit me a little hard this year, especially since last week would have been Dad’s 75th birthday, this upcoming February it will be 15 years since he passed.

I miss my parents, sometimes I have lucid dreams where I think that they are still alive and we are doing things together. Waking up and realizing that they are gone can make the grief come back just as strong as it was at first. I haven’t had a dream like that in some time, but I have had a couple over the last month. All of this has made it difficult for me to craft and write about new and happy things, but talking with a friend this past weekend made me realize a few things.

I have a coping mechanism for the holidays, it isn’t the healthiest, that works for me. I have a standing invitation to visit my friend and spend the holiday with her family, instead what I’m going to to do is spend the day ‘sulking’ at my house and working on a major cleaning project. I started early by shredding all of the paper’s I’ve had around for 3 years and sorting the bills into a bill box in case I need them in the next five years. I plan on getting the rest of the first floor cleared up so I can work on the second floor and setting up crafting stations that work for me.

I’m not introspective. I don’t like reflecting on things because sometimes I don’t like what is staring back at me, both about myself and my family. I do have to look back sometimes and remind myself, I have a full-time job, my own home, and a reliable car. I have a friend that will be with me through thick and thin, as well as a loving supportive family from dad’s side. I want to spend my holidays alone because I can manipulate my restless energy into getting plenty of work done around the house. I have the opportunity to actually attend the family holiday gathering this year since it will be held in early January, so I am looking forward to that as well as trying to get my crafting mojo going to make some sort of presents for everyone.

I miss my parents. They would have hated the Pandemic. They are looking down and keeping watch over my entire family. I have so many blessings to count. I am far luckier than most.

I’m going to take the next couple of weeks to remind myself I’m lucky and things could be so much worse. I know my reactions and how to keep them from getting too far out of control. I’m thinking seriously about making holiday cookies even though I haven’t since Mom Died. My best friend is getting married in June and I will be standing up with her.

Take care of yourselves throughout this holiday season. I hope to have crafting content for you before the end of the year, if nothing else I’m hoping to have my crafting supplies better organized so I can let you know something about that.

Remember to Live Life a Little More Abstract.